Have you
ever had the feeling that the end of everything is coming faster? I
have. Today I feel as if I were tied in a world with no purpose, neither
any sense of fighting and living. Today is one of those days when I ask myself
what the hell I`m doing here! God, what`s happening to me? Perhaps, I am separating from you, I`m not sure. For a long time, I`ve been feeling tired, and bored about everything I know.
My body hurts and my bones
don`t want to hold me anymore. My thoughts, my mind doesn`t react as always, I
have no ideas, no words, I`ve a neutral and blind mind. My heart doesn`t
perceive love, happiness, peace. Those sorts of things seem to be so far… in
the shadow of the past.
Am I returning to a depressing
world? If I am, what should I do to run away from the claws of Satan? I know
the answer but I am not able to do anything. Perhaps I claim God`s help from my
inside. I can constantly feel how a deep shout comes out from each part of me.
God, pardon me. I just don`t
know how it happened. I can see myself; and feel myself crying bitter words,
suffering from deep pain of madness. I feel surrounded by a darkish,
fogged and cold resentment and frustration.
.May 17th 2009
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